Relationships are a way to feel more alive. Respect and caring for each other between partners are the basics that take to form a marriage and, responsibility and fidelity build a family. A healthy relationship can make each other’s lives easier. When people choose to get married they should focus not only on understanding but also on the willingness to understand the other to keep it blooming. This is a game where either both can win or both lose.
In an interesting case of Sri Bhaskar Das v. Smt. Renu Das at Gauhati High Court, the husband was allowed to divorce his wife on June 19th, 2020. The couple entered into the marriage in 2012 as per the custom of Hindu Marriage. The wife wanted to live away from her in-laws so she insisted on her husband on getting separated. The husband disagreed so it led to frequent fights between the couple. The husband claimed she blamed him for her failure to conceive child, left her matrimonial house in 2013, and filed a dowry-harassment case against him and his family. The wife also filed another case of cheating against the husband claiming he breached an agreement between the two to rent a separate accommodation.
The husband appealed for divorce before Dibrugarh District Court. He didn’t get the relief so he stepped ahead to appeal before the High Court. He said he felt harassed because his wife refused to wear Sakha (bangles made of conch shells) or Sindoor (vermilion). The bench held this as the wife’s signal to refuse to accept her marriage to infer she was unwilling to continue her conjugal life. The High Court also noted the wife’s agreement of separation was an act of ‘cruelty’ and non-adherence to the provisions of law under the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007 saying children are required to ‘maintain parents and senior citizens.’ The wife prevented the husband from performing his statutory duties towards his aged mother. Such non-adherence to the 2007 Act can lead to imprisonment or a fine.
Our patriarchal society would easily label the wife ‘selfish’ as women are expected to adjust according to norms of her matrimonial house and put the needs of the family members over her own. Marital dynamics have changed with women becoming self-sufficient with education and financial independence. Once women start living with their families after getting married the tussle between old values and new virtues begins. However, modern women don’t put themselves out as victims and their in-laws as evil straight out of eighties Bollywood movies. Most of the in-laws are also evolving with their mindset thus they can be supportive if a daughter-in-law communicates her thoughts on why she wants separation.
Marriage breaks the very moment the couple thinks of needing Section 13 of the Hindu Marriage Act to interfere. Every relationship faces challenges. One cannot fix issues if the other wants to give up. Leaving parents pave the way to unbecoming of individuals affecting the society negatively as marriage is seen as a sacred bond that requires moral conviction towards one’s better halves as well as their families. To protect each other from the pitfalls of a slippery slope partners can choose to try to save their companionship by opening up to meaningful interaction, especially when they know they would be together even after getting apart. As in most such cases, the real issue disappears with time giving rise to the only issue of ego.